Bible Verses of The Day: Friday, January 16, 2026

Today’s Focus: Learning to Forgive When the Hurt Runs Deep

The Weight You’re Still Carrying

Friday arrives and you’re still carrying weight that isn’t yours to bear: the burden of unforgiveness.

Someone hurt you. Maybe recently. Maybe years ago.

Maybe it was intentional betrayal or thoughtless word or careless action.

Maybe they apologized or maybe they didn’t.

Maybe they even know they hurt you or maybe they’re completely oblivious to the damage they caused.

And you’re stuck. Stuck replaying the offense. Stuck in anger that resurfaces at unexpected moments. Stuck in bitterness that colors how you see them and sometimes how you see everything. Stuck in pain that won’t heal because you keep picking at the wound.

You know you’re supposed to forgive. You’ve heard the sermons. You know what Scripture says. You understand intellectually that unforgiveness hurts you more than them. But knowing you should forgive and actually forgiving are separated by canyon you don’t know how to cross.

Because here’s what nobody tells you: forgiveness is one of the hardest things God asks you to do. It feels impossible when the hurt is deep. It feels unfair when they don’t deserve it. It feels dangerous when you fear it means letting them hurt you again.

So you stay stuck. Carrying weight of unforgiveness. Nursing wounds that won’t heal. Building walls that keep out future hurt but also keep out future joy. All while knowing somewhere deep down that this unforgiveness is poisoning you more than it’s affecting them.

Today we’re going to talk honestly about what forgiveness actually is, what it isn’t, and how to begin the process when everything in you resists it.

What Forgiveness Actually Means

Forgiveness Is Not Saying What They Did Was Okay

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

The Misunderstanding That Keeps You Stuck

You might be resisting forgiveness because you think it means minimizing what happened. That it means saying “it wasn’t that bad” or “it didn’t really hurt” or “what they did was acceptable.”

This misunderstanding keeps countless people stuck in unforgiveness. If forgiving means pretending the offense didn’t matter, then you can’t forgive without betraying yourself. If forgiving means calling wrong actions right, then forgiveness feels like lying.

What Forgiveness Actually Does

Forgiveness doesn’t minimize the offense. It acknowledges the wrong while releasing your right to revenge. It says “what you did was wrong AND I’m choosing not to hold it against you forever.”

Notice Paul says “forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.” How did God forgive you? By acknowledging your sin was real, the cost was high (cross), and then choosing to release you from the debt.

God’s forgiveness never minimizes sin. It fully acknowledges the offense while offering release from the consequences. That’s what you’re called to do. Acknowledge the hurt was real while releasing the person from your judgment.

Important Distinction: You can forgive someone while still maintaining that what they did was wrong. Forgiveness doesn’t require you to rewrite history or minimize harm.

Forgiveness Is Not Reconciliation

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Romans 12:18 (ESV)

Why This Matters

You might be confused about forgiveness because you’re equating it with reconciliation. You think forgiving means restoring the relationship to what it was before. You think it means trusting them again immediately. You think it means giving them access to hurt you again.

This confusion makes forgiveness feel dangerous. If forgiving means letting them back in, then you’re choosing between forgiveness and safety. No wonder you’re stuck.

The Critical Difference

Forgiveness is one-sided. It’s what you do in your heart regardless of what they do. You can forgive someone who never apologizes. You can forgive someone who’s still actively hurting you. You can forgive someone who’s dead.

Reconciliation is two-sided. It requires both parties. It requires genuine repentance from offender and willingness to rebuild trust. Not all forgiveness leads to reconciliation because not all offenders repent.

Paul says “if possible, so far as it depends on you.” Translation: do your part (forgiveness) but recognize some relationships can’t be restored because the other person won’t do their part (repentance).

Freedom Truth: You can forgive someone and still have boundaries. You can release unforgiveness and still protect yourself from repeated harm.

Forgiveness Is a Process, Not a Moment

“Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.'”

Matthew 18:21-22 (ESV)

What Jesus Is Really Saying

Peter thinks he’s being generous offering to forgive seven times. Jesus essentially says “stop counting.” The point isn’t literally forgiving 490 times. It’s that forgiveness is ongoing process, not one-time decision.

You don’t forgive once and never think about the offense again. You forgive, then when hurt resurfaces, you forgive again. When anger returns, you choose forgiveness again. When memories trigger pain, you extend forgiveness again.

This is why forgiveness feels impossible. You think you should be able to decide once to forgive and be done. But deep wounds require repeated forgiveness. Not because your first forgiveness didn’t count but because healing takes time.

What This Looks Like Practically

Monday you might forgive them. Tuesday something triggers the memory and anger returns. You forgive again. Wednesday you’re fine. Thursday you see them and pain resurfaces. You forgive again.

Each time you choose forgiveness, you’re not starting over. You’re continuing the process. Like physical wound that must be cleaned repeatedly to heal, deep emotional wounds require repeated application of forgiveness.

Give Yourself Grace: If you have to forgive the same offense multiple times, you’re not failing. You’re healing.

Why Forgiveness Matters (Beyond “Because God Said So”)

Unforgiveness Poisons You More Than Them

“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”

Hebrews 12:15 (ESV)

The Bitter Root That Grows

The writer warns about root of bitterness. Roots grow underground where you can’t see them. They spread. They take over. They defile (contaminate) everything they touch.

Unforgiveness works like that. It starts with one offense against you. But the bitter root grows and spreads until it affects how you see everything. How you interpret others’ motives. How you respond to new relationships. How you experience joy.

The person who hurt you might not even know you’re angry. They might have moved on completely. They might not think about you at all. But you’re thinking about them constantly. Replaying the offense. Nursing the wound. Feeding the bitter root.

Who Suffers Most

They hurt you once. Unforgiveness makes you hurt yourself repeatedly. They did damage in the past. Unforgiveness keeps doing damage in the present.

Every time you rehearse the offense, you reinjure yourself. Every time you fantasize about revenge, you poison yourself. Every time you nurse the bitterness, you’re the one who suffers.

This isn’t minimizing what they did. It’s recognizing that refusing to forgive hurts you more than it hurts them. It’s acknowledging you deserve better than carrying this weight.

Ask Yourself: Who am I really hurting by refusing to forgive? Am I willing to keep poisoning myself to punish them?

Unforgiveness Blocks Your Own Healing

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV)

The Difficult Teaching

This is hard passage. It sounds like God’s forgiveness is conditional on your forgiveness of others. Like you earn God’s forgiveness by forgiving people who hurt you.

But that contradicts everything else Scripture teaches about grace. So what’s Jesus saying?

The Relational Reality

You can’t receive what you refuse to give. Not because God withholds forgiveness as punishment. Because unforgiveness closes your heart to grace. You can’t experience forgiveness while refusing to extend it. The heart that won’t forgive others can’t fully receive God’s forgiveness.

It’s not that God stops forgiving you. It’s that your unforgiveness creates barrier that prevents you from experiencing the forgiveness that’s already offered. Like refusing to open a gift because your hands are full of stones you won’t put down.

When you forgive others, you open yourself to experience God’s forgiveness more fully. When you release others from their debt to you, you’re able to receive release from your debt to God.

The Connection: Forgiving others doesn’t earn God’s forgiveness. It positions your heart to receive the forgiveness He’s already offering.

How to Actually Forgive (Practical Steps)

Step 1: Acknowledge the Full Depth of the Hurt

Don’t minimize what happened. Don’t spiritualize away the pain. Don’t pretend it didn’t hurt as much as it did.

Name what they did. Name how it affected you. Name the damage it caused. You can’t forgive what you won’t acknowledge.

Try This: Write out what happened and how it hurt you. Be specific. Be honest. Don’t edit for how it sounds.

Step 2: Grieve What Was Lost

Betrayal creates loss. Loss of trust. Loss of relationship. Loss of innocence. Loss of what you thought you had.

Let yourself grieve. Cry if you need to. Rage if that’s what comes. Feel the full weight of what was taken from you.

You can’t forgive well if you skip grieving. You’ll just stuff the pain down where it festers into bitterness.

Give Yourself: Permission to grieve before you try to forgive. Grief is not unforgiveness. It’s honest acknowledgment of loss.

Step 3: Decide to Release Them to God

This is the heart of forgiveness. You’re choosing to release the person from your judgment and give them to God’s judgment instead.

You’re not saying what they did was okay. You’re saying “I’m not going to be their judge anymore. I’m releasing them to God who judges righteously.”

This is choice, not feeling. You probably won’t feel like releasing them. You do it anyway because holding onto judgment is poisoning you.

Prayer: “God, I release [name] to You. I give up my right to judge them. I give up my right to revenge. I’m choosing to trust Your justice over my anger.”

Step 4: Ask God for Help

You can’t do this in your own strength. You need God’s grace to forgive when everything in you resists it.

Ask Him to give you what you need. To soften your heart. To help you see them as He sees them. To enable forgiveness you can’t manufacture on your own.

Honest Prayer: “God, I don’t want to forgive them. Help me want to. Help me see them through Your eyes. Give me grace I don’t possess.”

Step 5: Choose Forgiveness Repeatedly

When hurt resurfaces (and it will), choose forgiveness again. When you see them and anger returns, forgive again. When memories trigger pain, extend forgiveness again.

This isn’t starting over. This is continuing the process. Each choice to forgive weakens unforgiveness’s hold and strengthens your healing.

Commit To: Every time hurt resurfaces, I will choose forgiveness again. I will not count how many times. I will just keep choosing release.

When Forgiveness Feels Impossible

What If They Haven’t Apologized?

You can forgive someone who never apologizes. Forgiveness doesn’t require their repentance. It’s what you do in your own heart for your own freedom.

Their apology would make it easier. Their acknowledgment would help. But you don’t need either one to choose release.

What If They’re Still Hurting You?

You can forgive someone while also protecting yourself from ongoing harm. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing continued abuse.

Set boundaries. Remove yourself from harmful situations. Protect yourself while still choosing not to harbor unforgiveness in your heart.

What If I’ve Tried and Can’t?

Then ask for help. Talk to counselor. Find support group. Pray specifically for grace to forgive. Some wounds are too deep to heal without help.

There’s no shame in needing support to forgive. Some betrayals are so deep that healing requires more than just deciding to forgive.

What If Forgiving Feels Like Betraying Myself?

Forgiving doesn’t betray you. It frees you. Holding onto unforgiveness is what betrays you by keeping you stuck in pain.

You’re not saying what happened to you doesn’t matter. You’re saying you matter enough to be free from the weight of unforgiveness.

Your Friday Challenge

Today, take one step toward forgiveness:

1. Identify one person you need to forgive. Who comes to mind when you read this?
2. Acknowledge what they did honestly. Don’t minimize. Name it.
3. Make one decision toward release. You don’t have to feel it. Just choose it.
4. Ask God for help. You can’t do this alone. Ask for grace.
5. Be patient with yourself. Forgiveness is process. Give yourself time.

A Prayer for the Strength to Forgive

God, forgiveness feels impossible right now. What they did hurt deeply. The wound is still raw. Everything in me resists letting go.

Help me understand forgiveness doesn’t minimize what happened. Help me know I can acknowledge the hurt while still choosing release.

I don’t want to carry this weight anymore. The bitterness is poisoning me. The unforgiveness is blocking my healing. But I don’t know how to let it go.

Give me grace I don’t possess. Soften my heart that wants to hold onto anger. Help me want to forgive even though right now I don’t.

Help me see them through Your eyes. Help me remember You died for them too. Help me extend to them the grace You’ve extended to me.

When hurt resurfaces, help me choose forgiveness again. When anger returns, help me release again. Give me patience with the process.

I’m choosing today to begin releasing them to You. I’m giving up my right to judge. I’m trusting Your justice over my anger.

Help me forgive not because they deserve it but because I need the freedom. Not because what they did was okay but because holding onto unforgiveness hurts me more than them.

In Jesus’s name, Amen.