Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, whether marriage, family, friendship, or church community. The question isn’t whether you’ll experience conflict but how you’ll handle it when it comes.
Most people default to one of two unhealthy extremes: aggressive confrontation that steamrolls over others, or passive avoidance that lets resentment fester beneath the surface.
Neither approach resolves anything. Aggression damages relationships while avoidance allows problems to grow until they explode.
Harvard negotiation expert William Ury notes that:
“The greatest discovery of our generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes.”
This is especially true in conflict. Your attitude determines whether disagreement becomes an opportunity for growth or a pathway to destruction. Scripture offers a third way that’s neither aggressive nor passive: humble, direct, grace-filled confrontation that prioritizes relationship restoration over being right.
Jesus gave clear instructions for handling conflict in Matthew 18, Paul addressed it repeatedly in his letters, and Proverbs is filled with wisdom about managing disputes. Biblical conflict resolution requires humility to examine your own contribution, courage to address issues directly, and wisdom to know when to overlook offenses versus when to confront them.
These verses reveal that God cares deeply about how His people handle conflict, that unity is worth fighting for, and that there’s a right way to address wrongs without destroying relationships.
Bible Verses For Handling Conflict
1. Matthew 18:15-17 – If Your Brother or Sister Sins, Go and Point Out Their Fault
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
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2. Ephesians 4:26-27 – In Your Anger Do Not Sin
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
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3. Romans 12:18 – If It Is Possible, Live at Peace
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
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4. Proverbs 15:1 – A Gentle Answer Turns Away Wrath
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
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5. Matthew 5:23-24 – First Go and Be Reconciled
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
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6. Colossians 3:13 – Forgive as the Lord Forgave You
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
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7. Proverbs 19:11 – It Is to One’s Glory to Overlook an Offense
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
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8. James 1:19 – Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
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9. Proverbs 17:14 – Starting a Quarrel Is Like Breaching a Dam
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
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10. Matthew 7:3-5 – First Take the Plank Out of Your Own Eye
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
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11. Proverbs 15:18 – A Hot-Tempered Person Stirs Up Conflict
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
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12. Philippians 2:3-4 – Value Others Above Yourselves
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
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13. Proverbs 25:8-9 – Do Not Bring Hastily to Court
Do not bring hastily to court, for what will you do in the end if your neighbor puts you to shame? If you take your neighbor to court, do not betray another’s confidence.
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14. Ephesians 4:29 – Only What Is Helpful for Building Others Up
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
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15. Proverbs 26:21 – A Quarrelsome Person Kindles Strife
As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.
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16. 1 Corinthians 6:1-8 – Dare Any of You Go to Law Before the Unrighteous?
If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? Or do you not know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases?
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17. Galatians 6:1 – Restore Them Gently
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.
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18. Romans 14:19 – Let Us Make Every Effort to Do What Leads to Peace
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
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19. Proverbs 20:3 – It Is to One’s Honor to Avoid Strife
It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
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20. 2 Timothy 2:23-24 – Don’t Have Anything to Do With Foolish Arguments
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
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21. Proverbs 10:12 – Love Covers Over All Wrongs
Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.
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22. Matthew 5:9 – Blessed Are the Peacemakers
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
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23. Proverbs 13:10 – Where There Is Strife, There Is Pride
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
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24. 1 Peter 3:9 – Do Not Repay Evil With Evil
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
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25. Proverbs 17:9 – Whoever Would Foster Love Covers Over an Offense
Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
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26. Hebrews 12:14 – Make Every Effort to Live in Peace
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.
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27. James 4:1-2 – What Causes Fights Among You?
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
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28. Proverbs 29:22 – An Angry Person Stirs Up Conflict
An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.
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29. Philippians 4:2-3 – I Plead With Euodia and Syntyche to Be of the Same Mind
I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.
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30. Proverbs 16:28 – A Perverse Person Stirs Up Conflict
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
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31. Romans 12:17-21 – Do Not Repay Anyone Evil for Evil
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
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32. Proverbs 15:4 – The Soothing Tongue Is a Tree of Life
The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
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33. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 – Make Sure That Nobody Pays Back Wrong for Wrong
Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
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34. Proverbs 18:19 – A Brother Wronged Is More Unyielding Than a Fortified City
A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
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35. Colossians 3:15 – Let the Peace of Christ Rule in Your Hearts
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
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Our Thoughts On What the Bible Says About Handling Conflict
Biblical conflict resolution requires going directly to the person who offended you rather than talking about them to others. Matthew 18 gives clear steps: go privately first, then bring witnesses if needed, then involve the church if necessary.
Most Christians skip step one and go straight to telling others about the offense, which is gossip disguised as seeking prayer or advice. Direct, private confrontation protects the relationship and gives the opportunity for quick resolution. Broadcasting the conflict to others before addressing it directly almost always makes things worse.
Not every offense requires confrontation. Proverbs says it’s to one’s glory to overlook an offense, and love covers over wrongs. Wisdom discerns between minor irritations you should overlook and genuine issues that need addressing. If you confronted every offense, you’d be in constant conflict. But if you overlook everything, resentment builds and eventually explodes. The key is discernment: overlook minor offenses, but address patterns of behavior or significant wounds before bitterness takes root.
Pride is at the heart of most ongoing conflicts. Where there is strife, there is pride. You’re more concerned with being right than saving the relationship. You won’t admit your contribution to the problem. You keep score of wrongs rather than extending grace.
Resolving conflict requires humility to examine the plank in your own eye first, to value others above yourself, and to prioritize reconciliation over vindication. When both parties come with humility, most conflicts resolve quickly. When both come with pride, resolution is nearly impossible.
Say This Prayer
Heavenly Father, I struggle with conflict. I either avoid it completely and let resentment build, or I approach it with anger and harsh words that make things worse. I desperately need Your wisdom to handle conflict in ways that restore relationships rather than destroy them.
Help me go directly to people who offend me rather than talking about them to others. Give me courage for difficult conversations and humility to examine my own contribution to conflicts. Help me to speak truth with gentleness, to be quick to listen and slow to speak, and to prioritize reconciliation over being right.
Give me discernment to know when to overlook offenses and when to address them. Help me to be a peacemaker who doesn’t repay evil for evil but overcomes evil with good. Let me not let the sun go down while I’m still angry, and don’t let the devil get a foothold through unresolved conflict.
Break the power of pride that makes me more concerned with winning than with relationships. Help me to value others above myself, to seek what leads to peace and mutual edification, and to forgive as You’ve forgiven me. Let Your peace rule in my heart and guide how I handle every conflict.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.