35 Bible Verses About Manipulation: Recognizing and Resisting Control in Relationships

The text message sat on my screen, carefully crafted to make me feel guilty for setting a boundary.

“I thought you were a Christian. Christians are supposed to help others. I guess you only care about yourself now.”

My finger hovered over the keyboard, ready to apologize for something I hadn’t done wrong. Ready to cave. Ready to sacrifice my peace.

Then the Holy Spirit whispered, “This is manipulation. And I never use guilt to lead my children.”

That moment changed everything. I finally recognized the pattern, spiritual language weaponized for control, Bible verses twisted to serve agendas, godly submission confused with ungodly compliance.

If you’ve ever felt guilty for saying no or questioned your sanity when someone rewrites reality, you need to understand what Scripture actually says about manipulation.

After years of counseling people trapped in manipulative relationships, I’ve learned that manipulators often hide behind religious language.

But God’s Word exposes control tactics.

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After years of helping believers recognize manipulation disguised as spirituality, I have come to realize that sometimes these truths bring clarity when heard during reflection time.

The Theology of Manipulation: Why Control Contradicts God’s Nature

Manipulation is fundamentally anti-gospel. The gospel offers freedom through truth. Manipulation enslaves through deception.

The Greek “planaō” (πλανάω) means to lead astray, to cause wandering from truth. Manipulation is a systematic deception designed to control another person’s choices for the benefit of the manipulator.

Consider God’s character.

He never uses guilt to motivate obedience. He never gaslights by denying reality. He never threatens abandonment to force compliance. He never makes love conditional on performance.

Every manipulation tactic contradicts God’s nature. This matters because manipulators often claim they’re acting like God. They’re not. They’re operating in opposition to His character.

Understanding Manipulation’s Biblical Taxonomy

Scripture identifies several categories of manipulative behavior:

Category 1: Deceptive Speech – Lies, half-truths, twisted Scripture to control.

Category 2: Emotional Coercion – Using fear, guilt, shame to manipulate choices.

Category 3: Reality Distortion – Denying truth, rewriting history, projecting blame.

Category 4: Spiritual Abuse – Using God’s name, Scripture, or authority to control.

Category 5: Relational Control – Isolation, triangulation, withholding affection.

The verses that follow address these categories with recognition markers and biblical responses.

Bible Verses About Manipulation

Recognizing Deceptive Speech and Lying

1. Proverbs 12:22 – Lying Lips Are an Abomination

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: God’s hatred of lying isn’t arbitrary. Lies corrupt reality itself, making genuine relationship impossible. When someone consistently lies to control you, they’re operating in what God calls “abomination.”

Application: If someone lies to you regularly, that’s not a communication problem. It’s a character issue that prevents healthy relationship. You’re not obligated to trust liars.

2. John 8:44 – The Devil Is the Father of Lies

You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Jesus traces lying’s origin to Satan himself. Deception isn’t just wrong – it’s demonic in origin. When someone manipulates through lies, they’re operating in satanic character, not godly character.

Application: Don’t spiritualize chronic lying as “human weakness.” Call it what Jesus called it – alignment with the father of lies.

3. Proverbs 26:24-26 – Disguised Hatred

He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself; when he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Manipulators disguise true intentions with pleasant words. This verse warns that kindness can mask hatred. The number seven indicates their heart is fully given to wickedness.

Application: When someone’s words don’t match their actions consistently, believe the actions. Manipulators say what you want to hear while doing what they want to do.

4. Psalm 5:9 – Flattery Is a Manipulative Weapon

For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is destruction; their throat is an open tomb; they flatter with their tongue.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Flattery is compared to an open tomb: beautiful outside, while containing death inside. Manipulators use flattery to disarm discernment and create false intimacy.

Application: Be suspicious of excessive flattery, especially when used to gain favor or bypass boundaries. Genuine compliments are specific and honest; flattery is exaggerated and calculated.

5. Proverbs 6:16-19 – God Hates Deception

These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Four of the seven abominations involve deceptive communication: lying tongue, devising wicked plans, false witness, sowing discord. Manipulation consistently appears in what God hates most.

Application: Manipulation isn’t a minor character flaw. It’s serious enough to appear four times in a list of things God calls abominable.

6. Proverbs 26:28 – A Lying Tongue Hates Those It Crushes

A lying tongue hates those who are crushed by it, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Liars don’t just harm victims – they hate them. The act of lying reveals underlying hatred, not love. Flattery specifically “works ruin,” actively destroying what it touches.

Application: When someone consistently lies to you, understand they don’t love you. Love and chronic lying are incompatible.

7. Ephesians 4:25 – Put Away Lying

Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Truth-telling is foundational to Christian community. Paul commands putting away lying completely, not reducing it. The reason given is mutual membership – lies destroy the body’s unity.

Application: In Christian relationships, expect truth-telling as non-negotiable. Chronic lying disqualifies someone from close fellowship.

Exposing Emotional Manipulation and Coercion

8. Galatians 5:1 – Don’t Be Entangled with a Yoke of Bondage

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Any relationship that enslaves rather than liberates contradicts gospel freedom. Christ freed us from all forms of control, including manipulation disguised as spiritual requirement.

Application: If a relationship makes you feel constantly trapped or controlled, that’s a yoke of bondage. Christian freedom means you can say no without fear.

9. 2 Timothy 1:7 – God Doesn’t Use Fear to Motivate

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Fear doesn’t originate with God. When someone uses fear to control your choices, they’re not operating in God’s spirit. God motivates through love and empowers sound thinking.

Application: If you make decisions primarily to avoid someone’s anger or rejection, you’re being manipulated through fear. God’s voice brings clarity, not intimidating pressure.

10. 1 John 4:18 – Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Love and fear are incompatible motivators. Relationships built on fear involve torment. If you’re tormented by fear of someone’s response, that relationship lacks godly love.

Application: Healthy relationships create safety to be honest without fear of retaliation. If you’re afraid to disagree or be yourself, that’s manipulation through fear.

11. Romans 8:1 – No Condemnation in Christ

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: God doesn’t use condemnation to motivate His children. The Holy Spirit convicts specifically for restoration; He doesn’t condemn globally to control. Manipulators use condemnation to keep you feeling perpetually guilty.

Application: Distinguish conviction from condemnation. Conviction is specific and leads to freedom. Condemnation is vague and leads to bondage.

12. Colossians 2:8 – Beware of Philosophy and Empty Deceit

Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: “Cheat you” means to carry you off as captive through persuasive arguments that sound wise but lack Christ’s truth. Manipulators use sophisticated reasoning to make wrong feel right.

Application: If someone’s arguments leave you confused or doubting the obvious truth, you’re being manipulated through “empty deceit” – words that sound profound but serve only their agenda.

13. Proverbs 29:5 – Flattery Spreads a Net

A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Flattery is depicted as a trap, a net designed to ensnare. The flatterer’s goal isn’t to bless but to catch, control, and manipulate.

Application: When someone lays on excessive praise, ask what they want. Flattery always has an agenda underneath.

Identifying Reality Distortion and Gaslighting

14. Isaiah 5:20 – Calling Evil Good and Good Evil

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Reversing moral categories warrants divine judgment. Manipulators gaslight by calling your healthy boundaries “unloving,” your discernment “judgmental,” your self-care “selfish.”

Application: When someone consistently reframes your reasonable responses as unreasonable, they’re calling good evil. Trust your perception. Your boundaries aren’t meant.

15. Proverbs 17:15 – Justifying the Wicked, Condemning the Just

He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Manipulators excel at justifying their wrongs while condemning your rights. This verse declares both practices abominable. When someone makes you the villain for their mistreatment, they’re engaging in what God hates.

Application: If you’re constantly made to feel like the problem when responding to their problematic behavior, that’s manipulation through blame-shifting.

16. Jeremiah 17:9 – The Heart Is Deceitful

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: This verse explains why manipulators often believe their own lies. The unregenerate heart deceives even its owner. Manipulators genuinely think they’re victims while victimizing others.

Application: Don’t expect manipulators to suddenly recognize their behavior. Their self-deception runs deep. Your job isn’t to make them see the truth.

17. Proverbs 12:17 – Truth vs. Deceit in Testimony

He who speaks truth declares righteousness, but a false witness, deceit.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Truth-telling is aligned with righteousness; false witness with deceit. When manipulators rewrite history or deny events you witnessed, they’re giving false testimony.

Application: Keep records if necessary. Manipulators count on the doubt of your own memory. Documentation protects you from gaslighting.

18. Psalm 101:7 – Deceit Has No Place

He who works deceit shall not dwell within my house; he who tells lies shall not continue in my presence.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: David establishes zero tolerance for deception in his household. This isn’t harsh; it’s healthy. Allowing liars to remain gives them the opportunity to harm.

Application: You’re biblically justified in removing chronic liars from a close relationship. Boundaries aren’t unloving; they’re wisdom.

Recognizing Spiritual Manipulation and Religious Abuse

19. Matthew 7:15 – Beware of False Prophets

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: False prophets appear harmless while being predatory. Spiritual manipulators use religious appearance to disguise harmful intentions.

Application: Judge spiritual leaders by fruit, not appearance or claims. If someone uses spiritual authority to control rather than serve, they’re a false shepherd.

20. 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 – Satan Disguises Himself as an Angel of Light

For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Paul warns that evil often masquerades as good, using religious language and appearance. Spiritual manipulation is Satan’s specialty – he quotes Scripture and claims divine authority.

Application: Don’t assume someone is godly because they use religious language or hold a spiritual position. Satan does all three. Judge by whether behavior reflects Christ’s character.

21. Matthew 23:4 – Heavy Burdens

For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Jesus confronts religious leaders who manipulate through impossible standards they don’t keep themselves to. This creates perpetual guilt and dependence.

Application: If someone holds you to standards they violate, that’s spiritual manipulation. God’s burdens are light. If your faith feels oppressive, examine who’s creating that burden.

22. Galatians 1:6-9 – Distorting the Gospel

I marvel that you are turning away so soon from Him who called you in the grace of Christ, to a different gospel, which is not another; but there are some who trouble you and want to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Perverting the gospel is serious enough for Paul to pronounce a curse. Manipulators distort grace into control, faith into compliance, and freedom into bondage.

Application: If someone’s teaching makes you feel perpetually guilty or enslaved to their expectations, they’ve perverted the gospel. True gospel creates freedom.

23. 1 Peter 5:3 – Leaders Shouldn’t Lord Over the Flock

Nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Biblical leadership serves by example, not control. “Lording over” describes domination – exactly what spiritual manipulators do.

Application: Spiritual leaders who demand unquestioning obedience or make themselves mediators between you and God are lording over you. This violates New Testament leadership.

Understanding Proper Submission vs. Manipulation

24. Ephesians 5:21 – Mutual Submission

Submitting to one another in the fear of God.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Before addressing specific roles, Paul establishes mutual submission as the foundation for all Christian relationships. One-directional submission without mutuality isn’t biblical – it’s manipulation.

Application: If someone demands your submission while refusing accountability, that’s not biblical submission – it’s control.

25. Acts 5:29 – Obey God Rather Than Men

But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: ‘We ought to obey God rather than men.’

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: When human authority contradicts God’s word, we obey God. This limits all human authority. No person has an unlimited claim on your obedience.

Application: If someone uses spiritual authority to demand you violate Scripture or conscience, you’re biblically required to refuse. Obedience to God supersedes obedience to any human.

26. Matthew 20:25-28 – Gentile Leadership vs. Kingdom Leadership

But Jesus called them to Himself and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.’

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Jesus explicitly forbids leadership based on control. Kingdom leadership serves; worldly leadership dominates. Manipulators operate by worldly standards while claiming spiritual authority.

Application: Evaluate leaders based on whether they serve or dominate. If someone uses their position to control rather than serve, they’re operating by worldly principles Jesus forbids.

Recognizing Boundary Violations and Relational Control

27. Proverbs 25:17 – Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house, lest he become weary of you and hate you.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Even friendship has boundaries. Respecting others’ limits preserves relationships; violating them destroys it. Manipulators refuse to honor boundaries, claiming love justifies unlimited access.

Application: You’re allowed to limit access to your time and space. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t love someone.

28. Galatians 6:5 – Each Shall Bear His Own Load

For each one shall bear his own load.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: While we help with others’ burdens, we’re each responsible for our own load. Manipulators refuse to carry their load, making you responsible for their choices and feelings.

Application: You’re not responsible for other people’s emotions or choices. If someone makes you feel guilty for not managing their life, they’re manipulating you.

29. Proverbs 22:24-25 – Don’t Befriend Angry People

Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Scripture explicitly warns against a close relationship with chronically angry people. This isn’t unloving; it’s self-protective. Anger-driven people manipulate through intimidation.

Application: If someone uses anger to control you, Scripture gives you permission to distance yourself. You’re not obligated to maintain a close relationship with abusive people.

30. Proverbs 13:20 – Walk with the Wise

He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Relationships shape us. Companioning with foolish people leads to destruction. This validates separating from harmful relationships.

Application: Wisdom means choosing relationships carefully. You’re not un-Christian for limiting contact with people who consistently demonstrate foolish, harmful behavior.

Protecting Yourself Through Wisdom and Discernment

31. Proverbs 26:4-5 – When to Answer, When to Stay Silent

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: These seemingly contradictory proverbs teach discernment. Sometimes, engaging in manipulative behavior makes it worse. Sometimes not engaging enables it. Wisdom knows which applies when.

Application: You’re not obligated to respond to every accusation or defend every choice. Sometimes silence is wisdom; sometimes confrontation is necessary.

32. Matthew 10:16 – Wise as Serpents, Harmless as Doves

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Jesus acknowledges that predatory people exist and commands wisdom in dealing with them. Being “harmless as doves” doesn’t mean being naively vulnerable. It means maintaining purity while exercising shrewd discernment.

Application: Naiveté isn’t a virtue when dealing with manipulators. You can be kind without being foolish, loving without being gullible.

33. 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 – Test All Things

Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Paul commands testing before accepting. This includes testing words, motives, and behavior. You’re not just allowed to test what people say; you’re commanded to.

Application: Don’t accept everything at face value, especially from people who’ve proven untrustworthy. Testing isn’t being judgmental; it’s being obedient.

34. Proverbs 14:15 – The Simple Believe Every Word

The simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: Believing everything you’re told is foolishness, not faith. Wisdom carefully evaluates before believing. Manipulators call healthy skepticism “trust issues” to bypass your discernment.

Application: You’re wise when you verify claims and observe patterns before trusting. Past behavior predicts future behavior better than promises do.

35. Ephesians 5:11 – Expose Works of Darkness

And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.

New King James Version (NKJV)

Theological insight: We’re not just to avoid evil but to expose it. This means naming manipulation, calling out control, and refusing to protect manipulators from consequences.

Application: Keeping manipulative behavior secret to “keep peace” enables darkness. Speaking truth is obedience, not gossip.

How to Respond to Manipulation Biblically

1. Name It

Call control “control,” lies “lies,” abuse “abuse.” Truth-telling begins with accurate labeling.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

You’re biblically entitled to decide who has access to you and under what conditions.

3. Document Patterns

Keep records to protect against gaslighting.

4. Get Outside Perspective

Isolation enables manipulation. Talk to wise, uninvolved people for objective insight.

5. Stop Trying to Change Them

Your job is protecting yourself, not reforming them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Isn’t it judgmental to call someone manipulative?

Discernment isn’t judgment. Identifying harmful patterns is wisdom. Jesus commanded judging fruit.

Don’t I have to forgive them?

Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation or restored trust. You can forgive while maintaining boundaries.

Won’t this destroy the relationship?

Healthy relationships survive boundaries. If setting boundaries ends a relationship, it was already unhealthy.

Final Thoughts

God never manipulates His children. He invites, draws, convicts – but never controls through deception, guilt, or fear.

If someone claims to represent God while using tactics God doesn’t use, they’re misrepresenting Him.

You’re not called to sacrifice yourself for someone else’s control issues. You’re not required to enable dysfunction. You’re not obligated to maintain harmful relationships.

God’s Word gives you permission to recognize manipulation, name it, resist it, and establish boundaries. You’re not being difficult. You’re being obedient.

Walk in truth that sets you free. Manipulation has no place in kingdom relationships.

References

Theological and Counseling Resources:

• Cloud, Henry, and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan, 1992.
• VanVonderen, Jeff. The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. Bethany House, 1991.
• Johnson, David, and Jeff VanVonderen. The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. Bethany House, 2005.
• Langberg, Diane. Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church. Brazos Press, 2020.